In my 30s, it was common practice for me to date men that were 10 to 15 years younger than me. Don't even think the word Cougar. DON'T. It's just, well, men in their 40s seemed dusty (yes, this means they had opinions and life experience which perhaps made them less easy to, I don't know, control?). I know it's jacked up, it's just the way I was. Please note the WAS. I now say my cut-off is 39. But I'm really looking for someone in their 40's. However, just recently, I went on a date with a 50-year-old. I'm so mature! I've changed.
Matthew (50) and I (45) met on Match. After two incredibly brief email exchanges, he contacted me on a Saturday night (me, post work-out, in sweats, on the sofa eating dinner) and said he was trapped at a family function and could I save him. We decided to meet for a drink at a luxury hotel downtown.
It took me 18 minutes to shower, get ready and get out of the house. Not bad. There's really no excuse for me to EVER be late. I need to make a note of it.
I walked into the almost empty hotel bar and saw a guy that I thought kind of resembled Matthew's photo, except I wasn't at all sure and his hair was completely grey. Matthew was salt and pepper in his profile. He was dressed really well and sipping a martini. Now I need to mention that I'm horrible at recognizing people. Even if I've met them multiple times. I'm famous for it…and not in a good way. So I boldly walked up to the man smiled and asked, "Hi, are you Matthew?" He said, "Yes." Then immediately, "Actually, no." I'm sure my eyes went wide. "No?" He said, "No, I'm not him." I said, "Well I wonder how often that happens?" I felt like an absolute idiot and turned to walk away. Then he said, "Of course I'm Matthew." Oh, no. A joker. I wasn't amused, but smiled and sat down.
Once the date started I learned that Matthew was a fast talker, like I am. He was relaxed, curious and nice. So away the conversation went. And I thought I might be feeling a little bit of chemistry (hopefully not just because he threw me off balance upon my arrival). But basically I'm thinking it's going pretty well. The only negative so far is that his picture wasn't current on Match and that he did the joke thing. We end up ordering appetizers. It's all light and fast and fun. A couple hours later the bar now resembles a club. It's packed. The music is loud. Yep. It's Saturday night. And it's ON!
Matthew leans towards me and says, "Should we kiss?" You know what? Every guy should ask this. You know why? Because when it's irritating, you immediately knows it's the wrong guy. But when he asks and you think "YES!"…Bingo! It's a quick litmus test. My reaction was…why the fuck is he asking me this? He should just kiss me. But I wouldn't have liked it. Because I didn't want to kiss him. But of course we kissed. His tongue was like an angry, pointy rock.
Anyway, so now we've kissed. It wasn't great, but still, he's been really nice and we've been having fun. And sometimes first kisses go awry and… We keep chatting. A woman walks up to our table, he introduces me, they chat for a second and then she leaves. He tells me she's one of his closest friends. Ten minutes later another woman appears. At first I thought it was the same woman, but I was wrong. Matthew stands immediately. They talk for a bit. He doesn't introduce me. Hmmmmmmm. He sits back down. Its quiet for a second and then he says, "We have to leave." Yeah. This is a first for me. But he's urgent and I say, "Ok, fine." I grab my purse and jacket and we walk out of the hotel. He says, "Can we walk for a second?" He seems really distressed. So we walk. And he explains. He tells me that he's in love with her. That they dated and he's not over her. Oh. Yikes. I mean, shit happens and people try to get on with their lives. They date and meet new people and hope to get over the people they're not over. We've all been there. And you just hope you won't run into them when you're on a date with someone new, or you hope that you do, who knows? It's dating. So we talk and walk until we get back to valet. He generously pays and tips. And just before my car arrives he turns me towards him, gazes into my eyes, grazes my breast with his hand and tries to kiss me. Seriously?! I said, "Yeah, no. You don't get to do that. Do you remember the conversation we just had?" He sort of smiled and was embarrassed. Suddenly he seemed about 25. Ah heartbreak. Such an equalizer. And such a bummer.
He called me on my way home and thanked me. He said I was very sweet. Very nice.
About a week later he called me when he saw me online. He asked if I'd been on any dates lately. I said, "Not since my date with you." He said, "No, you're supposed to tell me about the date. About the guy." I said, "It was a really nice date. A really good guy, but he's not over his last girlfriend." In a final effort he asked me to go to a concert in Vegas with him that weekend. That's quite an effort. But I declined. Sweet guy. I hope he gets back together with her or over her. Whichever is best. But for me it's…NEXT!
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